01 Feb 2007 / Rhea Wessel / Bio / World Politics Watch Exclusive

Interview: Forced Marriage in Germany

Serap Çileli, activist and author, was born in 1966 in Mersin, Turkey. Her family emigrated to Germany when she was eight years old. When she was 12, her father engaged her to a man for the first time. Serap attempted suicide and got out of the impending marriage. At 15, she was no longer able to avoid being married to a stranger. She left school in Germany and moved to Turkey. After seven years, the marriage ended and Serap was able to convince her parents to let her return to Germany with her two children. As soon as she returned, however, her father began looking for another husband for her. Serap fled to a women's shelter and slowly built her life with her current husband, Ali.

Çileli was one of the first German women of Turkish descent to write a book about her experiences. Now she travels around Germany advocating for Turkish women and helping girls who reach out to her.

Following are selected questions and answers from a speech given by Çileli at the DGB Haus on Nov. 22, 2006, and from an exclusive interview before the session. Comments made in the interview are interspersed with those from the speech, and the translation of some answers is paraphrased.

Tell me about your work as an activist against domestic violence, incest, forced marriage and honor killings.

I hold talks at conferences and seminars and am asked to testify at state parliaments around the country. I have counseled about 250 young people, including three boys. Most of the girls were between 14 and 21. It is my job to create awareness about the problem. I don't want to promote stereotypes; I'm trying to develop sensibility toward the situation faced by many young women of Turkish origin in Germany.

What is the difference between an arranged and a forced marriage?

Many girls I work with say their marriages are arranged -- i.e. they say they're allowed to pick the man they want. Of course, there are arranged marriages and there are love marriages. There are also forced marriages . . .

Not all arranged marriages are forced marriages. For me, the question is how a young girl is brought up? Can she make decisions for herself? Is she allowed to make decisions for herself? Or was she brought up to obey?

I consider about half of Turkish arranged marriages to be forced.

Boys and young men are also affected by forced marriage, but they have more room to make their own decisions and more freedom when they are married. It's common practice for a young man to keep his girlfriend even after marriage.

What types of parents force their daughters into marriage?

All kinds of parents force their daughter into marriage. I have even counseled girls whose parents are doctors and lawyers. The girls were free to make their own choices until puberty hit. Then this freedom ended abruptly.

What are the consequences for the children in these marriages?

We now know that a child can sense in the womb if it is wanted or not. When a child isn't loved, it will have psychological problems. Many of the so-called import brides that are brought from Turkey to marry in Germany are completely isolated, and the kids -- wanted or not -- are the only people with whom the mother has contact. These women rarely speak German, and their husbands often forbid them from taking a class. This is intentional disintegration. The men are scared that they will no longer be able to control their wives.

Does forced marriage have anything to do with Islam?

Forced marriage is practiced in many cultures and religions. It's not an Islamic phenomenon. I am looking at this problem in Turkish society because I'm Turkish. [Çileli has become a German citizen.]

I do not want anyone to leave this program tonight with the impression that I'm simplifying this problem or ignoring the social problems faced by Germans. I also don't want people to think that all Turkish women who live in Germany are faced with violence. There are migrant women who live in intact families, who are treated equally with their brothers, who are allowed to get an education and who don't face violence. These women make a big contribution to integration in Germany.

Based on my observations, unfortunately this group of women is a small group.

In many families, boys grow up as first class citizens and girls are second class citizens. Boys see their fathers hitting their mothers and learn to abuse their wives. Daughters are seen as a burden and as a possible source of social shame.

The Quran says that men and women should be virgins at the time of marriage, but most men are no longer virgins by 18. Most of these young men have sex with non-Muslim girls but then want to marry a Muslim and a virgin.

What is an honor killing and how many happen in Germany?

The concept of honor is attached to the physical purity of the woman, and that's why only her blood can cleanse the shame her actions bring on a family.

The Bundeskriminalamt (The Federal Criminal Police Office of Germany) says 59 murders in the name of family honor have occurred in Germany from 1996-2005.

Who are the perpetrators of honor killings?

In many cases, women are also involved in the murder -- either passively or actively. Women, too, are responsible for upholding the honor of the family. If a girl shames her family, she shames the women in the family, too.

Your book about your experience of being forced into marriage was published in 2002, and many similar books by other authors have followed. What has changed since your book first came out?

In the past, the term honor killing was not even known. I had to convince journalists to write about what was happening.

The increased media coverage has given many girls the courage to fight the system. And with a wider understanding of the problem, people are taking a closer look at each other, including their neighbors.

But I still ask myself why Turkish immigrants continue to have such conservative ways? There's plenty of influence from the media via satellite TV, and nothing has happened on the Turkish side to help integration. Germany has no integration policy, and the country only recognized itself as an immigrant country two years ago. The first law to fight forced marriage was passed in 2005.

Preaching in the mosques also affects behavior. There are 3,000 mosques in Germany and 350 kindergartens run by [the Islamic association] Milli Görü, [which has strong links to Turkey]. These schools offer tutoring and language classes. These are all places of indoctrination, but Germans are afraid to admit this.

The first guest workers were uneducated and held fast to their traditions because they were afraid of a majority society with a different religion. The second generation, my generation, is the commuter generation (who lived a few years in Turkey and a few years in Germany), and we didn't have the chance to really make Germany our home.

Now this second generation is marrying off the third generation mostly with relatives from Turkey. We've had 10 years of import brides -- which brings us back to a community of first-generation immigrants. These girls are chosen because they're raised in a traditional way and obedient, etc. These are the daughters that are preferred. These women are often isolated from society, don't know German and are kept like slaves at home.

When girls come to you for help, what kind of problems do they face?

I worked with a girl named "Gülbahar" who is now 24. When she was about to be forced into marriage with a cousin, she told her mother that her father had abused her. Her mother's reaction: This marriage is decided and you must be married as a virgin. Otherwise, your cousin or your father will kill you. Because of the threat of losing face, Gülbahar's parents pronounced a death sentence for her. The girl's father told one of his friends to kill her so his family honor could be restored. Gülbahar was able to run away. The mother could have helped the daughter, but the mother stood by the father. The parents gave Gülbahar one week to commit suicide or said she would be killed. The girl is now in therapy and is fighting anorexia. She will need help for many years and her father is walking the streets of Germany as a free man who never faced any consequences.

In another extreme case, a girl had a German boyfriend and didn't want to marry the chosen cousin from Turkey. She was very emancipated and fought back, threatening to leave the family. When the mother found out about the daughter's threat, she told her sons to rape her own daughter. This girl was raped the next day as punishment. She was then locked up, and I couldn't reach her. At some point the girl's German boyfriend came to me asking for help and support. And with the help of another family member, this girl was able to get out of the four-room apartment where the family lived. This case is an extreme case. But the mothers are often very involved in keeping up the family honor. One reason is the traditional way in which these women are raised. When I try to help girls, I often have to work hard to convince the mothers before we can take action against the father.

How often do you come across underage brides?

Germany is always very concerned about the rights of women in Afghanistan or Pakistan. But right here in Germany there are child brides who are being married against their will. The youngest married girl I have helped was 11.

These girls who are playing in the schoolyard at 12, 13 or 14 years are forced to live in a completely different world. Some are brought to husbands in their homelands. Others are married right here in Germany. They are children without a childhood who are raped from one day to the next. They lose all trust in other people and are isolated and abandoned. They are considered part-time wives and live under the watch of their parents-in-law. They are sent to school to live with their secret right here in our neighborhoods. The girl is delivered helplessly into the parental control and violence of her parents-in-law and husband. She has no chance to live out the dream that she dreamed together with other girls her age who were also born in Germany: to study or learn a trade, to become independent, to design her own life, to encounter love, to marry a man of her choice and to have children -- all without any pressure.

Serap Çileli's book, "We Are Your Daughters, Not Your Honor," was published in 2002 and is available in German. Her Web site is: www.cileli-serap.de

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31 Jan 2007 / Rhea Wessel / Bio / World Politics Watch Exclusive

European Immigrants Continue to be Forced Into Marriage

Editor's Note: This is the third in a series of articles by Rhea Wessel on the rights of Muslim women in Europe, particularly Turkish women in Germany. The stories will appear occasionally on World Politics Watch.

FRANKFURT, Germany -- Forcing girls and young women into marriage is illegal in most countries and banned under the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, but that doesn't keep the practice from remaining prevalent in dozens of countries. In Europe, immigrants from Asia, Africa and the Middle East continue to force partners on their children for economic security, clan continuity or the preservation of a girl's virtue. Now, some young victims of the practice are speaking out and defending themselves against the traditions of their homelands, and their calls for help are no longer falling on deaf ears.

In Germany, the government ran a campaign to raise awareness about the problem after several women published books revealing their own experiences and, in the U.K., police have set up a forced marriage unit to investigate cases.

Take the situation of the 13-year-old Kurdish girl we'll call "Gülay." Serap Çileli, the activist who helped her starting in 2003, says Gülay was to be married to a 60-year-old man in a private religious ceremony in Germany. She was to become the man's second wife and bear him a son. Çileli, who describes the family as very traditional and conservative, was able to intervene when Gülay came to school wearing new gold jewelry and casually mentioned to her teacher that over the weekend strangers had presented it to her. The teacher alerted Çileli, who had held a seminar at the school about the problems faced by many Muslim girls in Germany. Çileli and the teacher talked with the girl and got the authorities involved.

"Now Gülay is living in a shelter because her family rejected her when she fought the marriage. The family had already given their word that the wedding would take place, and they believed they had lost their honor," says Çileli. "At first, this was very difficult for Gülay. She had problems sleeping, and so on. But the social workers and therapists were able to help. Now she is doing just fine. She has goals -- she wants to be a nurse. She wants to finish school and help others."

Young girls like Gülay end up paying the biggest price for early and forced marriage since their education is usually interrupted or ended, and this leads to limited chances for economic independence from a husband. In addition, the rules of marriage are enforced differently for women than men.

Çileli knows this first hand, as she was married to a stranger at 15 and forced to leave her school in Germany to move in with her husband's family in Turkey. Seven years later, she escaped the marriage and returned to Germany with her two kids. She eventually fled to a women's shelter when her parents tried again to arrange a liaison. Çileli had already met her current husband and was intent on making a life with him.

When Çileli spoke to a group of about 25 people in Frankfurt in November, she was accompanied by her husband Ali, who was dressed in a dark, modern-cut business suit. Using a home video camera, he recorded the session and panned the audience during the question and answer period. Later, he explained in broken German that essentially he works as a security detail for his wife. She never travels alone, and the couple had a police escort while in Frankfurt.

This is the price of speaking out on topics welcomed by one segment of the population in Germany but taboo for another. Still, Çileli, who has become something of a national spokeswoman for the rights of Muslim women, presses on with her work. She was invited to testify as a key witness at a hearing on forced marriage at the Hesse state parliament in Wiesbaden in December, but other work kept her from attending. The parliamentary committee was considering how to help girls who face this problem.

Sibylle Schreiber, who represented women's rights organization Terre des Femmes at the hearing, says forced marriage is a union that takes place against the will of at least one of the partners and under pressure from outside parties, usually the family. The organization says few figures are available, but it has documented cases from around the world -- from Yemen, Burkina Faso, China and among certain sects of Mormons in the United States. Çileli, who has focused her research and efforts on Turkish women in Germany, believes about 50 percent of Turkish arranged marriages are forced.

Germany criminalized forced marriage in 2005, calling it a special case of unlawful coercion. Penalties can range from six months to five years in prison. But few if any cases have been prosecuted.

Forced marriages among Turks and Kurds in Germany often follow a particular pattern. At home, a girl is raised to be obedient and unquestioning, while at school she is surrounded by others her same age who are taught to think critically and examine the status quo. Puberty, and with it, her parents' closer scrutiny , arrives; the girl may be forced to put on a head scarf and she is watched more closely. If she shows an interest in boys or vice versa, the whole process may be sped up. Parents begin looking for an appropriate mate in Germany or in Turkey. Usually they want to avoid any problems by marrying the girl off early before she has a chance to lose her virginity.

The girl's family may select a first cousin to be the groom or begin interviewing other families by inviting or accepting invitations to "drink mocha." In a bridal viewing, the young man and his parents observe how the girl prepares and serves the drink and draw conclusions from her behavior. A girl who doesn't like a boy may slip salt in the drink instead of sugar. If she does like him, she may strive to get the right amount of froth. If a family is impressed, they may make an offer.

Çileli has worked with hundreds of girls since becoming a full-time activist, and some of them assure her that they have not been forced into marriage because they were allowed to go through the mocha process with several applicants. But, for Çileli, such cases can still constitute forced marriage.

"Not all arranged marriages are forced marriages. For me, the question is how a young girl is brought up. Can she make decisions for herself . . . or was she brought up to obey?" Çileli says.

Arranged (and potentially forced) marriages among Turks and Kurds in Germany follow a larger social pattern as well. In many cases, girls who grew up in Germany are sent home to marry. This often happens on school holidays -- a so-called "Holiday Marriage" -- while the family is home on vacation. Often, the girl's friends back in Germany only find out about the situation when the girl fails to show up for school the next year.

Hülya Kalkan, a Turkish German from the Stuttgart area, is finishing high school at age 27. Her schooling was cut short when her mother plucked her from her life in Germany and enrolled her in a Quran school in Turkey. A couple of years later, her mother tricked her into a "vacation" in Turkey and tried to set a marriage in motion. Huelya told a lie and fled back to Germany.

Girls are not only sent to marry in Turkey, they're also brought to Europe. Activists have coined a special name for these young women from Turkey who innocently come to Germany in hopes of a better life: They areknown as "Import Brides." These women rarely speak German and are isolated from society, having little or no contact with people outside their families. And all too often, they are exploited by a mother-in-law or relative who wants a break from housework and child care, activists say.

Practiced on a small scale, the tradition of importing Turkish brides would not represent a social problem in Germany; it would rather be seen as the private problem of a certain set of women. But scholars and activists have begun to link the phenomenon with the state of integration and cultural assimilation among Turks in Germany. In her book, "The Stranger Bride," Turkish-German sociologist Necla Kelek says that more than 21,000 people from Turkey immigrated to Germany in 2001 under a law that allows for families to be reunited. (After 2001, the statistics were not separated out among various immigrant communities.) She believes that many of these immigrants came to marry.

Turks and Turks of Kurdish origin began coming to Germany as part of the country's guest worker program in the 1950s, during the wirtschaftswunder, or economic miracle. Both Turks and Germans expected the workers to return to their homes after a few years in Germany, so few policies were put into place to support the foreign workers. The first generation of workers eventually brought their families to join them or married among themselves. The second generation, what Çileli calls the commuter generation, lived a few years in Turkey and a few years in Germany, putting down roots in neither place. This second generation began marrying off the third generation, often to relatives or acquaintances in Turkey.

"We've had 10 years of import brides -- which brings us back to a community of first-generation immigrants," says Çileli . In other words, with each wave of import brides, Germany must start from scratch with the integration process.

To this end, Germany has recently developed integration courses for foreigners who aren't working or studying. These classes focus on language skills and introduce participants to their rights and responsibilities as citizens of Germany.

Kelek recommends a more concrete approach: The German government should raise the minimum age from 16 for immigrants who want to come to Germany to marry. The Dutch government raised it to 21 in 2004, and the Danish government announced in 2003 that marriage immigrants would have to be 24. A higher age would give girls more time to complete their education before marriage.

Terre des Femmes representative Schreiber says mothers often organize the marriages because they were wedded in the same fashion. If a daughter follows a different path than the mother, this brings a mother's experience into question. Schreiber has counseled hundreds of women and a few men who have fought the tradition, but the women's lives are most affected: Men loose less freedom when they're married. And, if they are the cause for a break-up, men are not rejected by the family. Because they are afraid of such rejection or fear violence, many girls simply go along with their parents' marriage plans.

Schreiber puts forced marriage into the context of the women's movement: "German women fought for their emancipation, and now we've got a wave of migrants who need to start all over. We need the 1960s all over again for migrant women. A few of these women agree."

Rhea Wessel is a freelance writer based in Frankfurt. She is at work on a book called "Honor Killings in Our Midst: The Fates of Three Women Who Broke with Tradition.